Dearest Viewer, (excuse me)
Slightly Less Dear Viewer,
Samuel Clemente is a hard man to track down. When he’s not busy solving advance calculus equations or experimenting with gamma radiation, his whereabouts are a great mystery. Sidebar: why are all mysteries “great” ones? I’d like to nominate this mystery as the first “mediocre mystery.” Lets try this again; When he’s not busy solving advance calculus equations or experimenting with gamma radiation, his whereabouts are a mediocre mystery, a seriously inconsequential absolutely positively highly mediocre mystery. Some have ventured to guess his whereabouts, with the leading hypothesis being “he’s on a couch somewhere eating Cheez Doodles.” And while I can do nothing to settle this non-existent debate, I can answer one just as important question: Yes, yes I did just try to whip it out.
- Love, Samuel Clemente
P.s. There shouldn’t have been a comma there, it should read “Love Samuel Clemente.” Seriously ladies, love me…. nobody else does… sad face.












